


Pretty boys leave the nastiest scars ( all the words I should have told you)

by sasshope



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, M/M, Unrequited Love, someone please love my poor baby hui, sucide mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 11:57:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14914943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasshope/pseuds/sasshope
Summary: Hwitaek loves Hyojong and Hyojong loves someone else; and it is not okay but Hui is already used to it





	Pretty boys leave the nastiest scars ( all the words I should have told you)

**Author's Note:**

> As all of you may notice I am in my feels and I apologize for this mess

“ He tore whatever was left of my heart in pieces and truth is … I want to hate him. I want to wish he won’t be able to sleep … that he would hurt just like I do; but I love him so much that I don’t even know what to do with myself. At night I dream about him … and even in my dreams he still takes my breath away. “ Hwitaek said trough ugly sobs.

All the words in the world and he still could not express how deeply his feelings for Hyojong ran; how his love for the other ran through his bones and his scars and compressed his whole being.

“You’re Hwitaek so stop being fucking dumb for five god damn fucking minutes. You saw a pretty boy with blond hair and brown eyes and now what … he’s the love of your life and you’re fucking heartbroken because boo fucking hoo he likes someone else ? Fucking tragic, so what ? Get a grip on yourself. Sometimes good things don’t happen to good people; on the contrary : the good shit happens to the people that deserve it the least; and now what? You are going to ignore all the valid reasons you have to commit suicide and you are going to kill yourself over unrequited feelings for a pretty boy? That’s rather anticlimactic.” Yuto said and, even though Hwitaek loved his friend for his overly honest way of being he could not understand how the other did not comprehend what he wanted to say and how he felt.

Life’s a struggle, a complex really; especially for Hui. Sometimes, for him, it’s a task from hell to even get out of bed. To live out of spite… stay alive not because you find a reason to but because fuck it you are worth much more than to be beaten up by your own brain and the up and abouts of people and situations who don’t give horseshit on you.

It’s terribly lonely in the world … when everyone is looking at you but nobody sees you ; it’s like you are a looking glass: they look trough you to achieve their petty goals , and at the end of the day you are in your bed at night, wide awake and too numb to even feel hurt.

It’s a struggle when even in the moments of great happiness it’s like a dark cloud still looms over you, and even though your soul soars your brain is in deep mud and you can’t fucking breathe.

You’re chocking on thin air and you see a blond boy trough the window of a store and … wow all of a sudden is like too much oxygen got into your lungs and it’s all too much, and you still can’t take a god damn proper breath and your throat still constricts and hurts like a bitch but still… it’s a different type of pain : one that cancels the numbness, one that you crave with every pore of your being.

“ Lay still , my beating heart” Hwitaek said because it’s the ones that you crave the most that bury you alive.

It’s not like he didn’t know from the start nothing good will come out of falling in love; but , it’s just that he loved Hyojong from point one and growing to actually know him , with his ups and downs , his angels and demons, made him only fall deeper and he hoped, with all his tired and bruised heart, that the other will grow to at least like him.

But of course , old stories tend to repeat themselves; you love a boy and he loves someone else – always someone else, never you ( fuck karma, that shit never works when you need it);

The laws of the universe are trash when it comes to Hwitaek falling in love with a blond boy with a heart full of scars but with eyes full of galaxies and all the other wonders in the world.

As a child Hwitaek started with a pocketful of dreams; now he doesn’t even have a pocket … but still , he wants to be able to share the small moments of happiness with Hyojong ( and maybe even some big ones ), and hold his hand and kiss his cheeks.

Life is an awfully big adventure and Hwitaek didn’t sign up for it; actually he would like to cancel that subscriptions more often than not … but still, he thinks, maybe it won’t be that awful or big or scary if he would be able to hold Hyojong in his arms even as the sky crumbles at their feet and their youth turns into ashes.

But Hyojong likes another boy; and yeah , okay , it was expected … yet it still hurts … but Hwitaek has practice coping with the pain; and yeah , he won’t ever come clean and tell Hyojong how he feels about him ( it would be rather stupid for him to intentionally subject himself to more pain ) but it’s okay Hwitaek will keep that love treasured and hidden between the crevices and shadows of his soul.

It’s not okay. It’s not fine… but when was anything…


End file.
